For the past several years, my prayer life has been primarily conversational. To some who read this blog, that might sound strange, but it really is like an ongoing 2-way conversation.
For the past 5 months, I have been having weekly counseling sessions (I am a big fan of counseling, btw). One of the questions my counselor asks me at the beginning of every session is how my emotional life has been. How have I been feeling about myself? About others? About God? It has been an important focus of counseling for me — getting back in touch with my emotional life. Hiding in a closet for 17 years is not super-conducive to being emotionally in touch and healthy.
Anyway, a few days back I felt prompted to ask Jesus a simple question: how did He feel about me right now? What was Jesus’s emotional feelings about me?
As we talked, a lot of words were thrown out on the table: angry… disappointed… ashamed?
No, it wasn’t those words. But three words did come up and stick with me: sad, concerned, hopeful.
I’ve been thinking about and praying on those words for the last few days, trying to understand them.
SAD… while I don’t think Jesus is surprised by what has happened, I do think he is saddened. I think he is sad at what has happened, the broken relationships, the damage to the church, the damage to my heart and the hearts of others. And I think he is sad that one of his children has to go though this and deal with stuff. I think Jesus has such compassion for us that he is sad when we hurt — even when that hurt is self-inflicted.
CONCERNED… this was a hard one for me to understand, and I wrestled with it. But I think He is concerned about me. I am facing lots of life-altering decisions and I think He is concerned that I make the right decisions and make them well. I also think He is concerned about my heart… that it heals and does not become hardened. I am not 100% sure on this one, but I am still praying on it.
HOPEFUL… He is not done with me or working through me. He is hopeful for me, and that gives me hope.
I will keep praying about these and keep asking Jesus how He is feeling about me. It was a really helpful conversation and time in prayer. I encourage you to give it a try.