Was there another path?

17 Sep

Yesterday I talked about the profound lack of grace I have experienced from the church in all of this.  Two questions come to mind: why and what could have been different?

In terms of what could have been different — or moments where grace could have been extended — I think there were lots of places.  Ad I have said before, I’m not suggesting the church should ignore what I did or even over-reacted… I just think they reacted without any grace.

Grace would have been just simply treating me with some dignity in all of this… allowing me to be part of a real church discipline process… an opportunity to say goodbye… to experience some forgiveness and healing from the community… all of this would have been grace.

So why did it happen this way?

I am not entirely sure.

I do know that the church is a place of grace and has a culture of grace.  Grace is one of the core values and by-and-large I think it is a community that extends grace well.  (Somewhat ironically, some of the people I know who have received the most grace have been the least graceful in this situation).

I think there are four major reasons why things have played out the way they have:


I think this is defacto true in many evangelical churches.  It is a reality and one we must live with in leadership.  I think it is important not to confuse this issue (lack of grace) with an appropriately higher standard for leaders.  Leaders are called to a higher standard and need to be held accountable to that.  When they fail, they should be removed from leadership — but I think (hope) that there is still room for grace.  The grace of common decency, the grace of forgiveness, the grace of healing community.


If sexual sin generally is a big one, homosexuality is 1000 times worse.  The truth is, within evangelicalism, it is very much an unforgivable sin.


In fairness to everyone involved, no one has navigated through this before and a lot of mistakes were made.


I think this is the biggest issue.  I think frankly the church was given terrible counsel and advice.  I think they were given advice from someone (and someones) who didn’t take the time to really understand the church and instead ran a play book based on denominational practice and institutional priority over people and relationships.  Part of this is just speculation because the main consultant the church worked with refused to talk to me or share his perspective with at all.  But this is my sense.

1 Comment

Posted by on September 17, 2009 in Uncategorized


One response to “Was there another path?

  1. Ben Dubow

    September 17, 2009 at 4:22 am

    <p>John, I think you are missing the point here…</p><p>I have said many times that I don’t disagree with the conclusion that I need to be out of leadership and even out of the community… there is a way to implement church discipline with grace and there is a way to do it without grace.</p><p>My only point in even discussing these issues now publicly is not to criticize or try and reopen discussions, but rather to help other churches think through these issues in a more biblical way. At the end of the day, what the Bible says is really our instruction.</p><p>And as I noted earlier, I think your application of 1 Cor 5 here is not a good reading of text nor context — and that Matthew 18 should be the norming passage on church discipline.</p><p>Let me also say it again — I hold no bitterness against anyone in this. Where I feel like I have been wronged, I have totally forgiven — recognizing that however I have been wronged, I have done much more wrong. My hope is that there is an opportunity for both individuals and churches to learn from these things and (a) avoid them in the future, and (b) get better at handling them.</p><p>Obviously the step of casting someone out of community is a serious one — and one that a community should not do without clear Biblical mandate. Church discipline is one of those places where theology becomes very practical. How we exercise church discipline (or for that matter, don’t) speaks volumes about our ecclessiology, theology of community, theology of redemption, of the cross, and of grace… I think it is worth serious reflection both before and after…</p>



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